Bittersweet Memories
The last week of my life has been such a blur that writing them down probably is the best way for me to catch up with them emotionally. I have been through a gambit of emotions and moods that I honestly don't know if I am on track now. From moments of deep depression to moments of pure jubilation, this has been one of the bittersweet weeks of my life. Lets take it from the top...
Thursday, March 24th 2011
Started and ended like any other day, Lauren and I were cleaning the house due to the Baby Shower being on Saturday and of course the house was in need of a clean up. I had told my job that I was going to leave early to get home before people came to the house, also for last minute cleaning. Lauren, being 8 months pregnant really didn't complain from a work aspect. Her whole pregnancy has been a breeze; a few mood swings here and there, but nothing explosive. She cleaned as much as she could and I did the same, finally coming to a rest at a decent time to get some sleep. Little did I know that this would be the last night of sanity for a while.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Slept pretty good for a change at night, Lauren has developed the "ability" to snore in her sleep; and me being a VERY light sleeper have come to terms that 5-6 hours of sleep will be good enough for me, anything more is a bonus. I wake up at 0520 and think to myself, "Got a half day at work, going to play morning basketball as I normally do on Friday morning. I got up, brushed my teeth and was getting my gear on. Lauren woke up and went to the bathroom; nothing abnormal about that but then I hear, "Babe...We need to go to the Hospital". Heart jumped into my throat..."Are you OK?" I'll spare you her answer, but "No". So I take off my ankle braces grab my fleece and help to her my car. Mind you, it’s about 0530. I back the Scion out and SPEED to Rex Hospital, which is about 20 miles away in 10 minutes. Lauren was calm all the way there, I kept her talking asking was she having contractions. She said no and called Rex to make sure someone was on call and ready for her. All I remember while driving is that the Scion was smooth as I hit 125 MPH on I-440. I was looking out for deer and not much else while being scared out my mind. I emailed my boss and told him that I wasn't coming in, I Thank God that he was and is very understanding with this process.
We got to Rex safely, dropped her off and parked the car. By the time I got back to the entrance she was already in her room, dress in a gown and everything. We waited for the doctors come to; the nurses did their checks and observed that she had high blood pressure. They took a sample and also saw she had an elevated amount of protein in her system. She just had the same check on Wednesday of that week when she had her scheduled doctors appointment. I googled her symptoms and came up with answer that has been seen before in my lifetime. At that point, worried about my wife and my unborn child I had to throw fear out the window and get into "game" mode. The doctor came in, gave us encouraging word and news and released her. They said, "Take it easy this weekend and come in for a check up on Monday".
"Take it easy..." Tomorrow is our baby shower...
We get home on Friday, she rests and I continue to clean up as parents and family come into the house. Needless to say I am worried about her than anything that was happening around me. I was tired, hungry, worried and looking into our unknown/unplanned future...I wasn't in the mood to deal with anything that would stress me out
Saturday, March 26th, 2011
Wake up to a house full of people...I go downstairs and make coffee, come up stairs and take a long shower, shave my head and get myself into a respectable form of presentation. Lauren does the same; she is relaxed and not worried about anything. We take our time doing things, but in the back of my mind Friday and what the doctors said is still front and center. More and more people are coming to the house...dogs barking, people everywhere and generally a loud atmosphere. I'm being pulled left and right...up and down and asked every question in the book; not anything out the ordinary but everything was becoming too much. Glad that I went to help out setting up the shower, but I wasn't there for Lauren, which made her a bit worried. Had a great time at the shower, got lots of love from friends near and far. As any other great event, time went so fast. Saturday was such a blur...I don't even think I got to see everyone at the shower. I'm tired...fatigued and still worried. I play it off and try to have a good time with friends and family.
Sunday, March 27th, 2011
By now, most people have left from this weekends Baby Shower, those who stayed I cooked breakfast for them. It was a real chill and relaxed day. Nothing too out the norm, cousins playing Xbox and watched a movie. Starting to get my energy back and starting to think that Friday was just because Lauren was cleaning too much. Chalked it up as a "watch what you do from now one" episode and was getting ready for an Interview I had the next morning. I told my boss I was going to be late again and I should be in before Noon. Lauren's mom agreed to stay and take Lauren to her doctors’ appointment on Monday morning; Just a follow up from Friday.
Monday, March 28th 2011
Got up, made coffee for Momma Weekes and went to my interview. Wasn't worried about Lauren anymore cause she didn't have any symptoms besides a "slight headache". Got through the interview, which lasted almost 3 hours and called Lauren. Expecting her to say, "I'm at home" what I got was "Meet me at Rex". Fear can sneak up on you at any moments notice and that’s what happened. Luckily I was pretty close to the Hospital from the interview. Doctor explained what was going on and they wanted to keep Lauren overnight as a pre-caution. She didn't seem worried, she even told both myself and her mom to go home and get rest. Her mom stayed another night as I was going to go to work and see her when she was discharged.
Tuesday, March 29th 2011
60 degree day, sunny and a bit windy. Went to work and thought nothing of it. Called Lauren in the morning and she was still waiting for the time to which she was going to be discharged. I went to work and told my boss what was going on, he was very understanding and wanted to make sure everything was good with Lauren, the baby and myself. I told him I was going to pick her up around 1-2pm and take her home so I went to work and started to get things done.
I get an e-mail from William, my best friend, with a subject that I will never forget. "James died of a Heart Attack". I thought in my mind that it was some sick joke but it wasn't April nor would anyone "joke" about that. I ran out my office, tears in my eyes and called him. First words were "Will...what the fuck!?!?" I could hear it in his voice that it wasn't a joke. I felt it in my body as he told me details...I felt cold...hurt and stunned. I couldn't believe it, a little under a year ago I stood in the same spot and told my friends/family that a good friend had past away and now...today I had to do the same. I fumbled my phone...I wiped tears from the screen and dialed Martha and David Swanson. Left a concerned voice message on both numbers when David called me back. I told him the grim news...it hit me then...it hit him then...I hung up the phone and ran to my office to get more details from Williams discussion. I couldn't believe it...my brother had passed.
To let those know how close James was to me, out of all my friends he was the one I knew the longest. I knew James from cub scouts, which I was joined/forced to do when I first came to Maryland in 1989. I remember going over to his house and having a Halloween party for scouts there. I remember going camping with him. Those were my first memories of him. My last were James smiling and taking a picture with X-Clan besides him in 2010. That weekend, he just informed us that he got into George Mason University and planned on majoring in Electrical Engineering. My roommate at Mason did the same and I remember telling him, "Try to avoid Dr. Sutton" as my roommate complained about him. We were proud of him...David, Martha and I are all graduates from Mason. William was his roommate while they schooled at University of Maryland. Sherwin was a high school friend from Oxon Hill. Pat and Kelsey played Poker with him at David’s mom's house in Maryland...That night was probably one of the best nights of my life with close friends. We had gut busting laughs from not only gaming but also games that didn't involve computers. I remember standing on David's deck talking about music and movies while Laika continue to dig holes in the yard. Sarah was out there playing with a ball.
X-Clan is a group of guys whom all in high school didn't fit the norm. We didn't care about fashion; we didn't care about popularity. We were geeks and proud of it. We loved games, computers and having a good time. Hang at the mall and go to the arcade...didn't have any real interest in spitting game, we would rather run up a score on people in NFL Blitz and get a Orange Julius hot dog. We all had different roles..And it came from our different personalities. It all started with William and myself...playing NBA Hangtime and naming ourselves Team-X; David would be added and we became X-Clan. Various days/nights in the summer of Starcraft, N64 and Papa Johns pizza. High School started and I was the only member who went to Friendly, but my best friends went to Oxon Hill. I knew that they went to a better high school and they knew it too, but never put it in my face. I believe James and William met in class and became good friends. Alex came into the mix afterwards and was James' best friend. From there we came together and were always together. Go to the mall? Cool, lets call up everyone. LAN parties...video games, chess, spades, ROTC, College. We looked out for each other....Brothers
My day was gone...I couldn't think of anything besides Lauren and James. I spoke with William through out the day, his Mom chatted with me and I had to confirm it with her. I spoke with David to make sure he was all right. Lauren then called me...I told her the grave news and she then told me, "They are going to keep me another night". I was an emotional wreak...I couldn't keep a though, I couldn't even work on a computer cause I would just having memories of James. I would step away and then thoughts of Lauren.
Its times like this were I am stuck and don't know where to go. I always look out for my family, make sure they are safe and sound, but Lauren is my release person. She is my wife, the one I talk to about difficulty through the day. I'm not going to worry her now in her current state...I'm a wreak. I’m weak and don't know where to turn...
I went to the Hospital and stayed with her during the night. I cried but didn't let anyone see...I sat in the hospital room crying the whole night...I lost a brother, my wife is in the hospital and I am emotionally and physically a wreak. I would wake up every 10-20 minutes and not know where I’m at...I felt like I was on a drug or something.
Wednesday, March 30th, 2011
News about James hit Facebook yesterday and people are sending their prayers. I'm awaken by Veva, whom is a Fairfax cop, with details about James passing. I relay the messages to Will whom seems to be on top of getting information from James' roommate. No one knows besides Lauren's mom that I am tending to Lauren as well as dealing with James' death. She tells me to go home and get some rest; I take the opportunity and tell her I am going to run some errands that I normally would do on the weekend. It felt good to occupy my day with something besides computer work. I get home, shower up and notice how bad I look. Stress cause me to breakout...my face tells how I feel inside. As I get ready to take a cat nap I get a call from Lauren, "Come back to Rex now!"...Add some more pimples to the skin. I discretely leave the house, not to alarm her mom. I get there and they are transferring her to a "prep room". Its 6pm and we are told that her symptoms are putting her at risk (the baby is fine). The doctor says, "We are going to have to break your water". At that point...I am now in another emotional state...I don't know what is going on but I know when I said, "I Do" that she comes first. We decide to call the parents and let them know that they should be on their way down and that we are not going to be accessible and not to contact us (as we will be busy...you know, delivering baby and what not)
My sister calls me...to whom I should have talked with from the beginning. She knew/went through exactly what Lauren was. She was the first person to offer me words that comforted me. She told me the most simple of words that made everything in my world perfect, "Everything will be alright". I guess hearing that from someone you love is all you need to calm you down. The doctor pulled me in and told us, "I’m going to see how your baby is doing while I break your water".
Thursday, March 31, 2011
She was in full scrubs...anticipating that she would have to do a C-Section. Babies level was elevated but went back to normal. She told us that she would be born naturally. It was now midnight...I hadn't slept in 2 days and my wife was in labor. Contraction after contraction we were holding hands. Every squeeze woke me up; I’d reply with "Breathe baby...In....out" and fall back to sleep when she let go. The room was cold...had old chairs and wasn't comfortable for her or myself. The nurse rolled in a cot around 230am. I made it up and lied down. I had my laptop and all my music; (Thank God for being a DJ) and put on soothing music. From Seal, Chris Botti, to Sol Meida mix to classic R&B. Music that would fill the room with something besides the wind and light rain outside. I kept looking out the window and the view straight sucked. It was of a transformer and an employee parking lot. I would see green security lights from the parking security every hour pass by. I would change the music every so often. Lauren was doing well, her only complaint was the IV, which hurt her, as she didn’t have the range of her hand/arm.
Its 0436...I’m fading in and out...don't know what is going on besides knowing that Lauren is trooper and hasn't complained one bit. The nurse comes in and checks her...5cm. I remember our friend J'Metria, whom had her baby girl 2 days before saying that after 5cm you go to 10 real quick. That’s in the back of my mind as I try to squeeze out some sleep.
0505...all I hear is, "I'm nausea...I’m going to...*splat*....I can deal with blood, smells and stuff but throw up is were I draw the line. I call the nurse and tell her; they come in a clean it up (I didn't see it...GOOD!) I rub Lauren's back as she sits up and she is SUPER HOT. I take some covers off and unsnap the top of her gown to let the air hit her skin. I remembered from having a stomach bug that if you cool off you don't feel like throwing up...she indeed felt better once the air hit her. I continued to massage her back and tell her to breath as the contractions on the screen were off the scale! She would squeeze my hand and I would have to squeeze back...fearing that if she turned her hand/wrist she would break mine!
0540 - "I need to push"....my mind is now blank...I am getting the nurse and told her...they are calm...I am not. They page the doctor and tell her what’s going on. The doctor comes in and only had time to get one glove on cause buhbee is crowning and ready to come out. The doctor calls the special delivery people into the room and tells Lauren how to push. I hold her hand and talk softly in her ear, comforting her the whole way. The doctor says, "Breathe Lauren" I repeat it while looking at her to make sure she is...I look up and see....
and see.....
Her!
I'm a Father! I have a baby girl...she is on Lauren's chest...I’m crying so much! I'm excited! Special unit comes in and is shocked...they were suppose to be there to help with the delivery but Lauren didn't need it. Cameron Leigh Massie didn't need it...
I call my house were the parents were staying...telling them they are grandparents. Yells and screams in the morning. I call William, whom by all accounts needs a bright spot and tell him the news. I can hear his love and pleasure through the phone. He is shocked but happy, I cry telling him. I see Koop online and tell him "Uncle Koop". To which I think he didn't get that he was actually an Uncle. I continue to tell him online and he calls me...I never...NEVER heard Koop sound so happy! I'm overwhelmed by txt, Facebook, calls, messages through out the day. Lauren was transferred back to her original room and continued to heal up. She was walking a couple hours after giving birth. I'm impressed and proud of her...she gave birth without any drugs...not even a mention to them.
She has been fighting since she was born at 0552. They were worried she would have low blood sugar...had above normal levels. Worried she wouldn't be able to feed...Apgar scores 8 and 9. They were worried she would have undeveloped lungs...didn't have to be hooked up. My daughter has exceeded the doctor’s expectations. She has started her life quite well...her father and mother are impressed!
My week has been full of the highest ups and the lowest downs. My sister gave me hope. I can't stress how good it was to see, "U know that shitty week u had...well here is the rainbow after the storm :D Love U and Lauren :)"
I would like to say THANK YOU to all those whom reached out to Lauren and myself and offered Congrats. We truly would like to Thank each and every person! We love you all!
Thursday, March 24th 2011
Started and ended like any other day, Lauren and I were cleaning the house due to the Baby Shower being on Saturday and of course the house was in need of a clean up. I had told my job that I was going to leave early to get home before people came to the house, also for last minute cleaning. Lauren, being 8 months pregnant really didn't complain from a work aspect. Her whole pregnancy has been a breeze; a few mood swings here and there, but nothing explosive. She cleaned as much as she could and I did the same, finally coming to a rest at a decent time to get some sleep. Little did I know that this would be the last night of sanity for a while.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Slept pretty good for a change at night, Lauren has developed the "ability" to snore in her sleep; and me being a VERY light sleeper have come to terms that 5-6 hours of sleep will be good enough for me, anything more is a bonus. I wake up at 0520 and think to myself, "Got a half day at work, going to play morning basketball as I normally do on Friday morning. I got up, brushed my teeth and was getting my gear on. Lauren woke up and went to the bathroom; nothing abnormal about that but then I hear, "Babe...We need to go to the Hospital". Heart jumped into my throat..."Are you OK?" I'll spare you her answer, but "No". So I take off my ankle braces grab my fleece and help to her my car. Mind you, it’s about 0530. I back the Scion out and SPEED to Rex Hospital, which is about 20 miles away in 10 minutes. Lauren was calm all the way there, I kept her talking asking was she having contractions. She said no and called Rex to make sure someone was on call and ready for her. All I remember while driving is that the Scion was smooth as I hit 125 MPH on I-440. I was looking out for deer and not much else while being scared out my mind. I emailed my boss and told him that I wasn't coming in, I Thank God that he was and is very understanding with this process.
We got to Rex safely, dropped her off and parked the car. By the time I got back to the entrance she was already in her room, dress in a gown and everything. We waited for the doctors come to; the nurses did their checks and observed that she had high blood pressure. They took a sample and also saw she had an elevated amount of protein in her system. She just had the same check on Wednesday of that week when she had her scheduled doctors appointment. I googled her symptoms and came up with answer that has been seen before in my lifetime. At that point, worried about my wife and my unborn child I had to throw fear out the window and get into "game" mode. The doctor came in, gave us encouraging word and news and released her. They said, "Take it easy this weekend and come in for a check up on Monday".
"Take it easy..." Tomorrow is our baby shower...
We get home on Friday, she rests and I continue to clean up as parents and family come into the house. Needless to say I am worried about her than anything that was happening around me. I was tired, hungry, worried and looking into our unknown/unplanned future...I wasn't in the mood to deal with anything that would stress me out
Saturday, March 26th, 2011
Wake up to a house full of people...I go downstairs and make coffee, come up stairs and take a long shower, shave my head and get myself into a respectable form of presentation. Lauren does the same; she is relaxed and not worried about anything. We take our time doing things, but in the back of my mind Friday and what the doctors said is still front and center. More and more people are coming to the house...dogs barking, people everywhere and generally a loud atmosphere. I'm being pulled left and right...up and down and asked every question in the book; not anything out the ordinary but everything was becoming too much. Glad that I went to help out setting up the shower, but I wasn't there for Lauren, which made her a bit worried. Had a great time at the shower, got lots of love from friends near and far. As any other great event, time went so fast. Saturday was such a blur...I don't even think I got to see everyone at the shower. I'm tired...fatigued and still worried. I play it off and try to have a good time with friends and family.
Sunday, March 27th, 2011
By now, most people have left from this weekends Baby Shower, those who stayed I cooked breakfast for them. It was a real chill and relaxed day. Nothing too out the norm, cousins playing Xbox and watched a movie. Starting to get my energy back and starting to think that Friday was just because Lauren was cleaning too much. Chalked it up as a "watch what you do from now one" episode and was getting ready for an Interview I had the next morning. I told my boss I was going to be late again and I should be in before Noon. Lauren's mom agreed to stay and take Lauren to her doctors’ appointment on Monday morning; Just a follow up from Friday.
Monday, March 28th 2011
Got up, made coffee for Momma Weekes and went to my interview. Wasn't worried about Lauren anymore cause she didn't have any symptoms besides a "slight headache". Got through the interview, which lasted almost 3 hours and called Lauren. Expecting her to say, "I'm at home" what I got was "Meet me at Rex". Fear can sneak up on you at any moments notice and that’s what happened. Luckily I was pretty close to the Hospital from the interview. Doctor explained what was going on and they wanted to keep Lauren overnight as a pre-caution. She didn't seem worried, she even told both myself and her mom to go home and get rest. Her mom stayed another night as I was going to go to work and see her when she was discharged.
Tuesday, March 29th 2011
60 degree day, sunny and a bit windy. Went to work and thought nothing of it. Called Lauren in the morning and she was still waiting for the time to which she was going to be discharged. I went to work and told my boss what was going on, he was very understanding and wanted to make sure everything was good with Lauren, the baby and myself. I told him I was going to pick her up around 1-2pm and take her home so I went to work and started to get things done.
I get an e-mail from William, my best friend, with a subject that I will never forget. "James died of a Heart Attack". I thought in my mind that it was some sick joke but it wasn't April nor would anyone "joke" about that. I ran out my office, tears in my eyes and called him. First words were "Will...what the fuck!?!?" I could hear it in his voice that it wasn't a joke. I felt it in my body as he told me details...I felt cold...hurt and stunned. I couldn't believe it, a little under a year ago I stood in the same spot and told my friends/family that a good friend had past away and now...today I had to do the same. I fumbled my phone...I wiped tears from the screen and dialed Martha and David Swanson. Left a concerned voice message on both numbers when David called me back. I told him the grim news...it hit me then...it hit him then...I hung up the phone and ran to my office to get more details from Williams discussion. I couldn't believe it...my brother had passed.
To let those know how close James was to me, out of all my friends he was the one I knew the longest. I knew James from cub scouts, which I was joined/forced to do when I first came to Maryland in 1989. I remember going over to his house and having a Halloween party for scouts there. I remember going camping with him. Those were my first memories of him. My last were James smiling and taking a picture with X-Clan besides him in 2010. That weekend, he just informed us that he got into George Mason University and planned on majoring in Electrical Engineering. My roommate at Mason did the same and I remember telling him, "Try to avoid Dr. Sutton" as my roommate complained about him. We were proud of him...David, Martha and I are all graduates from Mason. William was his roommate while they schooled at University of Maryland. Sherwin was a high school friend from Oxon Hill. Pat and Kelsey played Poker with him at David’s mom's house in Maryland...That night was probably one of the best nights of my life with close friends. We had gut busting laughs from not only gaming but also games that didn't involve computers. I remember standing on David's deck talking about music and movies while Laika continue to dig holes in the yard. Sarah was out there playing with a ball.
X-Clan is a group of guys whom all in high school didn't fit the norm. We didn't care about fashion; we didn't care about popularity. We were geeks and proud of it. We loved games, computers and having a good time. Hang at the mall and go to the arcade...didn't have any real interest in spitting game, we would rather run up a score on people in NFL Blitz and get a Orange Julius hot dog. We all had different roles..And it came from our different personalities. It all started with William and myself...playing NBA Hangtime and naming ourselves Team-X; David would be added and we became X-Clan. Various days/nights in the summer of Starcraft, N64 and Papa Johns pizza. High School started and I was the only member who went to Friendly, but my best friends went to Oxon Hill. I knew that they went to a better high school and they knew it too, but never put it in my face. I believe James and William met in class and became good friends. Alex came into the mix afterwards and was James' best friend. From there we came together and were always together. Go to the mall? Cool, lets call up everyone. LAN parties...video games, chess, spades, ROTC, College. We looked out for each other....Brothers
My day was gone...I couldn't think of anything besides Lauren and James. I spoke with William through out the day, his Mom chatted with me and I had to confirm it with her. I spoke with David to make sure he was all right. Lauren then called me...I told her the grave news and she then told me, "They are going to keep me another night". I was an emotional wreak...I couldn't keep a though, I couldn't even work on a computer cause I would just having memories of James. I would step away and then thoughts of Lauren.
Its times like this were I am stuck and don't know where to go. I always look out for my family, make sure they are safe and sound, but Lauren is my release person. She is my wife, the one I talk to about difficulty through the day. I'm not going to worry her now in her current state...I'm a wreak. I’m weak and don't know where to turn...
I went to the Hospital and stayed with her during the night. I cried but didn't let anyone see...I sat in the hospital room crying the whole night...I lost a brother, my wife is in the hospital and I am emotionally and physically a wreak. I would wake up every 10-20 minutes and not know where I’m at...I felt like I was on a drug or something.
Wednesday, March 30th, 2011
News about James hit Facebook yesterday and people are sending their prayers. I'm awaken by Veva, whom is a Fairfax cop, with details about James passing. I relay the messages to Will whom seems to be on top of getting information from James' roommate. No one knows besides Lauren's mom that I am tending to Lauren as well as dealing with James' death. She tells me to go home and get some rest; I take the opportunity and tell her I am going to run some errands that I normally would do on the weekend. It felt good to occupy my day with something besides computer work. I get home, shower up and notice how bad I look. Stress cause me to breakout...my face tells how I feel inside. As I get ready to take a cat nap I get a call from Lauren, "Come back to Rex now!"...Add some more pimples to the skin. I discretely leave the house, not to alarm her mom. I get there and they are transferring her to a "prep room". Its 6pm and we are told that her symptoms are putting her at risk (the baby is fine). The doctor says, "We are going to have to break your water". At that point...I am now in another emotional state...I don't know what is going on but I know when I said, "I Do" that she comes first. We decide to call the parents and let them know that they should be on their way down and that we are not going to be accessible and not to contact us (as we will be busy...you know, delivering baby and what not)
My sister calls me...to whom I should have talked with from the beginning. She knew/went through exactly what Lauren was. She was the first person to offer me words that comforted me. She told me the most simple of words that made everything in my world perfect, "Everything will be alright". I guess hearing that from someone you love is all you need to calm you down. The doctor pulled me in and told us, "I’m going to see how your baby is doing while I break your water".
Thursday, March 31, 2011
She was in full scrubs...anticipating that she would have to do a C-Section. Babies level was elevated but went back to normal. She told us that she would be born naturally. It was now midnight...I hadn't slept in 2 days and my wife was in labor. Contraction after contraction we were holding hands. Every squeeze woke me up; I’d reply with "Breathe baby...In....out" and fall back to sleep when she let go. The room was cold...had old chairs and wasn't comfortable for her or myself. The nurse rolled in a cot around 230am. I made it up and lied down. I had my laptop and all my music; (Thank God for being a DJ) and put on soothing music. From Seal, Chris Botti, to Sol Meida mix to classic R&B. Music that would fill the room with something besides the wind and light rain outside. I kept looking out the window and the view straight sucked. It was of a transformer and an employee parking lot. I would see green security lights from the parking security every hour pass by. I would change the music every so often. Lauren was doing well, her only complaint was the IV, which hurt her, as she didn’t have the range of her hand/arm.
Its 0436...I’m fading in and out...don't know what is going on besides knowing that Lauren is trooper and hasn't complained one bit. The nurse comes in and checks her...5cm. I remember our friend J'Metria, whom had her baby girl 2 days before saying that after 5cm you go to 10 real quick. That’s in the back of my mind as I try to squeeze out some sleep.
0505...all I hear is, "I'm nausea...I’m going to...*splat*....I can deal with blood, smells and stuff but throw up is were I draw the line. I call the nurse and tell her; they come in a clean it up (I didn't see it...GOOD!) I rub Lauren's back as she sits up and she is SUPER HOT. I take some covers off and unsnap the top of her gown to let the air hit her skin. I remembered from having a stomach bug that if you cool off you don't feel like throwing up...she indeed felt better once the air hit her. I continued to massage her back and tell her to breath as the contractions on the screen were off the scale! She would squeeze my hand and I would have to squeeze back...fearing that if she turned her hand/wrist she would break mine!
0540 - "I need to push"....my mind is now blank...I am getting the nurse and told her...they are calm...I am not. They page the doctor and tell her what’s going on. The doctor comes in and only had time to get one glove on cause buhbee is crowning and ready to come out. The doctor calls the special delivery people into the room and tells Lauren how to push. I hold her hand and talk softly in her ear, comforting her the whole way. The doctor says, "Breathe Lauren" I repeat it while looking at her to make sure she is...I look up and see....
and see.....
Her!
I'm a Father! I have a baby girl...she is on Lauren's chest...I’m crying so much! I'm excited! Special unit comes in and is shocked...they were suppose to be there to help with the delivery but Lauren didn't need it. Cameron Leigh Massie didn't need it...
I call my house were the parents were staying...telling them they are grandparents. Yells and screams in the morning. I call William, whom by all accounts needs a bright spot and tell him the news. I can hear his love and pleasure through the phone. He is shocked but happy, I cry telling him. I see Koop online and tell him "Uncle Koop". To which I think he didn't get that he was actually an Uncle. I continue to tell him online and he calls me...I never...NEVER heard Koop sound so happy! I'm overwhelmed by txt, Facebook, calls, messages through out the day. Lauren was transferred back to her original room and continued to heal up. She was walking a couple hours after giving birth. I'm impressed and proud of her...she gave birth without any drugs...not even a mention to them.
She has been fighting since she was born at 0552. They were worried she would have low blood sugar...had above normal levels. Worried she wouldn't be able to feed...Apgar scores 8 and 9. They were worried she would have undeveloped lungs...didn't have to be hooked up. My daughter has exceeded the doctor’s expectations. She has started her life quite well...her father and mother are impressed!
My week has been full of the highest ups and the lowest downs. My sister gave me hope. I can't stress how good it was to see, "U know that shitty week u had...well here is the rainbow after the storm :D Love U and Lauren :)"
I would like to say THANK YOU to all those whom reached out to Lauren and myself and offered Congrats. We truly would like to Thank each and every person! We love you all!
posted by BMass at 14:32
0 comments
