Your own HIStory....
I have to admit I have been worried about my heart lately. Not my physical heart, though I need to get the 'ol ticker checked out, but my mental, physical and "soul" heart lately...
If I asked you this question, "Who would you die for?", who/what would your answer be? Its a hard thing to think about, cause first off no one wants to die, let alone have the person you save grieve for you. Its scary, I know, but write this not for you to answer the question, but to look at each member of your family, each friend you have, your pet; or maybe something materialistic.
This afternoon, I was sitting in my office; reading. I never really liked to read, but this one "article" caught me, as it should, and I begun to re-read it. Its a never ending article, in fact, I am mentioned quite a few times through nickname or flat out by name. The article is written from a first person point of view, and outlines the authors life. The hardships, the good times and the "whateva" times. This article, this author, is none other than my bestfriends diary.....
My bestfriends all started to write a log, or diary, of our lives in our senior year of highschool. X-Clan, my brothers from a different mother, all wrote and commented on our writings. Funny, cause its because of James I am writing this about William. Odd, but I guess a brothers love can come from something as simple as writing a comment to a blog. Let me give you a history lesson on us, X-Clan. We have 5 members, Myself, William, David, James and Alex. All friends from high school, Alex being the only person who was actually "met" in high school. The rest of us all grew up together. Personally, I knew James the longest, being in Cub Scouts with him, David the second longest, then Will and then Alex. But Will and I became closer faster than the others. Will and I's friendship spans over a decade, we have truely seen each other in our worse moments and our best moments. I am extended family with him and vice versa, to the point before college we were never not hanging out unless we were in school or doing school activities. Of course, with us going to different colleges, we didn't hang out as much, but thats for another blog.
This is about Us, the way we were and the way we are now. Williams diary is 1 of only 2 members still active. I have read every word of every entry and comment, and today I was re-reading them. I have to say, we had some wild times. When you go back and read your history, or the history of a brother, you see how you were and what you ment to them. As I read from the beginnning, I saw that I called on him for advice through my senior year; I saw that he was worried about me and my attitude towards woman. I saw that he was more open with his attitude and his feelings. Through his writings, I felt his pain, his happiness and his "whatevas". I got to the year 2002 and cried...
Why? Cause I feel that I have taken my bestfriends love for granted. I could easily blame it on growning up and numorous situations, but its not those at all. As I see in the early days, we were brothers, but now we are more best friends. Scary thought when you think about us. I can honestly say that I don't like it and will work to change it, but I have to admit that I have been wrong. I've been too critical with him, jump to judgement and not listened at all. Its not always about what I think he should do, but what he wants to do. I want to reach out to you and listen to what you have to say, I want to give advice that helped me back in the day like you used to. I want to go out, do nothing like we did in the past.
We have changed, through our different experiences, but we need to get back on the one accord. Lately you have been depressed, to which brings me down more than you think. I sit at home...I sit at home thinking about ways to make it better, something that will bring you out, but I can't. Not bacause the ideas I come up with are bad, but because I don't know what is fully depressing you. So now on, i'm going to be that person that you can lean on, as I should of been from day one, as I was until who knows when.
I remember you told me that if anything happens to me, you don't know what you would do; you also said you would get a tatoo to remember me IF something happened (Lord, Forbid). Thinking back on it, I shouldn't of told you don't, cause I would do the same if the roles were reveresed. But then again, going back to the orginial question stated above....he shouldn't have to worry about that answer.........
If I asked you this question, "Who would you die for?", who/what would your answer be? Its a hard thing to think about, cause first off no one wants to die, let alone have the person you save grieve for you. Its scary, I know, but write this not for you to answer the question, but to look at each member of your family, each friend you have, your pet; or maybe something materialistic.
This afternoon, I was sitting in my office; reading. I never really liked to read, but this one "article" caught me, as it should, and I begun to re-read it. Its a never ending article, in fact, I am mentioned quite a few times through nickname or flat out by name. The article is written from a first person point of view, and outlines the authors life. The hardships, the good times and the "whateva" times. This article, this author, is none other than my bestfriends diary.....
My bestfriends all started to write a log, or diary, of our lives in our senior year of highschool. X-Clan, my brothers from a different mother, all wrote and commented on our writings. Funny, cause its because of James I am writing this about William. Odd, but I guess a brothers love can come from something as simple as writing a comment to a blog. Let me give you a history lesson on us, X-Clan. We have 5 members, Myself, William, David, James and Alex. All friends from high school, Alex being the only person who was actually "met" in high school. The rest of us all grew up together. Personally, I knew James the longest, being in Cub Scouts with him, David the second longest, then Will and then Alex. But Will and I became closer faster than the others. Will and I's friendship spans over a decade, we have truely seen each other in our worse moments and our best moments. I am extended family with him and vice versa, to the point before college we were never not hanging out unless we were in school or doing school activities. Of course, with us going to different colleges, we didn't hang out as much, but thats for another blog.
This is about Us, the way we were and the way we are now. Williams diary is 1 of only 2 members still active. I have read every word of every entry and comment, and today I was re-reading them. I have to say, we had some wild times. When you go back and read your history, or the history of a brother, you see how you were and what you ment to them. As I read from the beginnning, I saw that I called on him for advice through my senior year; I saw that he was worried about me and my attitude towards woman. I saw that he was more open with his attitude and his feelings. Through his writings, I felt his pain, his happiness and his "whatevas". I got to the year 2002 and cried...
Why? Cause I feel that I have taken my bestfriends love for granted. I could easily blame it on growning up and numorous situations, but its not those at all. As I see in the early days, we were brothers, but now we are more best friends. Scary thought when you think about us. I can honestly say that I don't like it and will work to change it, but I have to admit that I have been wrong. I've been too critical with him, jump to judgement and not listened at all. Its not always about what I think he should do, but what he wants to do. I want to reach out to you and listen to what you have to say, I want to give advice that helped me back in the day like you used to. I want to go out, do nothing like we did in the past.
We have changed, through our different experiences, but we need to get back on the one accord. Lately you have been depressed, to which brings me down more than you think. I sit at home...I sit at home thinking about ways to make it better, something that will bring you out, but I can't. Not bacause the ideas I come up with are bad, but because I don't know what is fully depressing you. So now on, i'm going to be that person that you can lean on, as I should of been from day one, as I was until who knows when.
I remember you told me that if anything happens to me, you don't know what you would do; you also said you would get a tatoo to remember me IF something happened (Lord, Forbid). Thinking back on it, I shouldn't of told you don't, cause I would do the same if the roles were reveresed. But then again, going back to the orginial question stated above....he shouldn't have to worry about that answer.........
posted by BMass at 21:52
1 Comments:
Brian!
Hey man whats going on? I still have your SN on my buddylist and didn't remember who it was until I saw your blog. Congrats on your accomplishments man, starting to make a life for yourself and what not.
I'm kinda feelin you here with this post. There are a few people from high school whom I've lost touch with for various reasons, but the one important thing is that we are all going on to do bigger and better things. I don't want to go into too much detail, but as much as it is upsetting that we've grown apart, the important thing is that we are growing and if they aren't, I don't need them to drag me down - but thats my people.
Anyway, drop me an email sometime: quezon@hartford.edu Take care and be safe man.
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